Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
