The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
