Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
