be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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