I'm lost and stupid without you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
