literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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