Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
