Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
