you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
