just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
