You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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