I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
