I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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