I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
