Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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