I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize