Umm I'm too high to move.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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