If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
