I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize