i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
