The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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