I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
