so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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