Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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