My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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