I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
