Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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