and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
