i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
