Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
