she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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