Only a mothe r could love this liver
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
