Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
