Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
