Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize