I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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