Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
