hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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