I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize