Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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