Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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