Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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