I seem to have left my pride at pride
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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