where am i from again
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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