Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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