I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
