Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
