i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
