I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
