I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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