i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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