Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
