I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
