filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
In America we eat man semen.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
