this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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