We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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