just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
