i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
