He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
