Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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