I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
