problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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