I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
