i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
