I am puke
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How does one acquire holy water?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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