he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
