You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
