i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
