he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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