just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
