She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
