I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
