I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
