I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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