I must be too annoying 4 u.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
