She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
