for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
