took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
