He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
