oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
