And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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