HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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