she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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