Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
