If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
