oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
