Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
is it fun? or sober?
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