check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
