Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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