I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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