Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
