my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
