Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she told me i tasted like america
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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