I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You took a bar mat shot.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
