he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
