sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
